eight

Wow. It is the seventh night into the year and here I am again.

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reflections at Angkor Wat

A wandering, frantic mind in the middle of the night  I should be sound asleep but there are a hundred thoughts floating around the silent darkness of my consciousness.

I would like to blame it on the Chinese tea during dinner earlier but this is all too familiar. I was going through this tiresome mental journey for many nights last year.

The same questions. The same possibilities.
Quarter life crisis is an ailment. I guess it is comforting to know that I am not the only one going through this. I begin to wonder if some of my peers are awake right now as well, feeling the same awkward burden. Desperate for an answer that does not reveal itself without much pain.

Somewhere in your mental maze, you saw your wildest dream in vivid colours.
You could almost taste bliss because you are one of those lucky ones that finally get to live their dream, and after 3 seconds of rosy feel-good imaginative indulgance you suddenly give yourself a mental smack on the face-Hello! Is this going to help you achieve financial stability? Is your dream job going to pay the bills? And, are you even going to make it doing what you think is your one true passion? Come on, I thought we have gone pass this, you can’t pretend you have a safety net, you promised you will be more practical, you know what you need to do…not for yourself, but for your family….

And there you fall back into the same rabbit hole…You start to come up with ‘solutions’ or you choose to runaway and think of some artistic thoughts that generally cheers you up or just any random thing that is not as bleak as your biggest dilemma in life…but wait, is it even a dilemma? Or is it just one big messy question mark?

Yes, I thought waking up to write this down would help calm my active thought process. It did, to a certain extent.

All’s well. My mental vision regained some clarity. It says actions plans will follow, although midnight frustrations might not cease immediately, there is hope for comfort.

 

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